

We therefore regret that we will not be able to satisfy your request for John on his 75th wedding anniversary.

The Organization of Nude Portrait Painters (thinking perhaps they could touch up the picture), said "We can't perform miracles!" The old American women panel, aged 70 to 100, widowed for over twenty years, said "We'll retain our widowed status!" We couldn't get them to stop laughing long enough to take the time to rate him. To further justify our ratings, we submitted your photograph to another panel of women in the age bracket of 45 to 100. When rated by our panel of average American women (ages 25 to 40) on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), his body was rated a -2. We submitted the picture to our various panels of judges, as it is our routine procedure, with the following results: We agree that his appearance in our March issue as the Playgirl's "Man of the Month" centerfold would have been a truly fitting way for you to honor your 75th anniversary of wedded bliss, and as a life-time memento on his birthday. We wish to thank you for your letter and the polaroid picture of your husband.
